Tuesday, August 26, 2014

The Stages of College Searching: a Preliminary Analysis

I'm not sure which is more influential in the transition from high school to college: enrolling in a university or searching for one. I would opine that the college search process is part of the filter in place to winnow the worthy high school graduates from the unworthy, but that issue is for another blog entry.

Below, I have separated the process of searching for a college into roughly discrete stages. Consider it a layman's psychological analysis. (More research is required to determine if each stage is accompanied by differences in brain chemistry, but I'll leave such in-depth work to people who actually know what they are talking about.) If you searched for a college this year, most of these stages should apply to you. If you knew from the beginning that you would be attending community college, read this only if you want to laugh at what the rest of us go through. If you could afford to go anywhere, well, you're a lucky fellow, and can we please switch bank accounts?


The stage most subject to interpretation. This stage likely begins after you enter high school. Some people spend this stage daydreaming in their idle time about how fun and exciting college life will be; others visit campuses as early as junior year (sophomore year for the crazy-prepared types) and begin fashioning concrete plans about applications and test-taking; still others experience anxiety and think of ways to avoid higher education, such as becoming a plumber, or a hobo.

Common symptoms:

-frequent daydreams
-fear of the unknown
-inability to decide on life goals


You have thought about college, but in this second stage, you work for it. Most likely, you are a junior or senior. Studying for the SAT and/or ACT is your top priority. This is the stage that will decide once and for all where you will be able to apply for college without looking like a fool. Stress is common. After all, your scores are the only determiners of your educational future. Nothing else matters. Nothing else at all.

Common symptoms:
-fear of sitting down, studying, and doing both at the same time
-attraction to flash cards
-attraction to internet distractions such as YouTube and Facebook
-cramps of the writing hand
-cruelty toward pencils (usually acted on with sharpeners and/or teeth)


You have your test scores (and are likely either jubilating or sobbing over them). Now you have to decide where you will send applications. Perhaps you tour colleges; maybe you peruse your notes from your prior visits; or perchance you look up colleges on Google Images and ascertain which ones have the prettiest campuses. Most people struggle with deadlines, application essays, and extra requirements. Do not give up. At the other side of this stressful time is another but more rewarding stressful time. You just have to pay a lot of money in application fees to get there.

Common symptoms:
-attraction to internet distractions such as YouTube and Facebook
-inability to write coherently about oneself
-inability to determine what colleges want from you
-forgetfulness, especially of important information
-light wallet
-getting logged out of the Common Application website


Something went wrong. Maybe the Common Application was giving you trouble; maybe the colleges to which you applied provide you with price estimates too high for your budget; maybe a college representative is claiming that letters of recommendation were not received. Whatever the case, you have to find a way out of your predicament. Whether this means more college visits, more applications (college or scholarship), or more phone calls, you soldier through it.

Common symptoms:
-stress 2x
-anxiety 3x
-fitful sleep
-frustration, often developing into cynicism
-posting vague "ughhhh my life stinks" messages on social media
-second-guessing the decision to attend a four-year institution instead of just going to community college


Maybe your final decision was fraught with angst. Maybe you were practically forced to make a decision at gunpoint. Maybe you were literally forced to make a decision at gunpoint (not a surprising possibility). Regardless, this is the end of your journey. You have decided on a college. Now the only things standing between you and attending an institution of higher learning are an enrollment deposit, payment for wherever you will be living, and miles of red tape that may or may not impede your progress.

Common symptoms:

-wondering if community college would have been a better, cheaper, easier option
-in some cases, complete lack of emotion

Sunday, July 20, 2014

My Life Goals

There are a lot of things I want to do in my lifetime, but only some of those things do I hold near my heart. Below, I have listed some of my more significant life goals in no particular order.

In my life, I want to...
  • graduate from college.
  • get a job contributing to software development, artificial intelligence, or related research.
  • live to see humanity colonize bodies in space other than the Earth.
  • raise a family. 
  • write blog entries with some regularity. 
  • own a shirt with a math-related joke on it.
  • write a singer-songwriter album.
  • write a second singer-songwriter album.
  • become at least a decent singer / instrumentalist, preferably before releasing the aforementioned albums.
  • be called "cool".
  • contribute neologisms to English.
  • write and publish novels.
  • get short stories published in magazines.
  • purchase an electric guitar.
  • play a great solo on an electric guitar.
  • put a lot of distortion on an electric guitar and pretend I'm a guitarist from the nineties.
  • be called "a great guitarist".
  • get at least one hundred followers on Twitter.
  • have a conversation without saying "um" or "uh" at all.
  • have a conversation without awkward pauses.
  • easily use obscure, esoteric vocabulary words without trouble in casual conversation.
  • use obscure, esoteric vocabulary words in a rap battle.
  • win the aforementioned rap battle.
  • be able to rap without sounding weird.
  • watch the entirety of a ten-hour video on YouTube.
  • collect enough knowledge to effectively be a walking reference book.
  • do stand-up comedy.
  • not be booed off the stage after doing stand-up comedy.
  • act in a good film, amateur or otherwise.
  • help design a video game or computer game.
  • compose a soundtrack.
  • have a month's worth of music in my iTunes library.
  • fill up my Kindle with e-books.
  • successfully change American English grammar so that punctuation is only placed within quotation marks when the punctuation is part of the quotation.
  • successfully link four or more independent clauses with semicolons and make the resulting sentence look awesome. 
  • be called "one of the defining writers of our time".
  • be called "the greatest influence on the English language since Shakespeare".
  • be called "humble".
  • make people laugh at command.
  • hear either of my parents say with complete honesty, "You aren't a smart-aleck at all!"
  • never make typos.
  • not do stupid things occasionally, only do smart things.
  • basically be one of the coolest guys ever.
  • fly.
Basically, if I don't meet all of my reasonably high aspirations, I will be disappointed with my life. It's a good thing I picked easily achievable goals.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Albums I'm Looking Forward to This Year

I intended to post this blog entry a few weeks ago, but college research got in the way. Since one of the items on my list, Propaganda's Crimson Cord, was released today (and is awesome, incidentally), I figured I'd post the rest of my most anticipated albums before any more of them are released.

Copeland, Ixora

I'm a little late to the Copeland bandwagon, but I've already come to love all four of their major LPs (that is, not counting Dressed up & in Line). When Copeland announced on April 1 that they were reuniting for a fifth album, I didn't want to believe the news for fear that it would be revealed as an April Fools' Day prank.

It wasn't. The first release from Ixora, the somber piano affair "Ordinary", doesn't showcase the full band but does offer a tantalizing glimpse at what I'm sure will be another solid Copeland release.

Coldplay, Ghost Stories

Released songs "Midnight" and "Magic" show Coldplay experimenting with relaxing, electronica-tinged ambience as opposed to more structured melody -- which I daresay is at least a partial continuation of the shifting of musical gears that started with Mylo Xyloto. My prediction: Ghost Stories will be a quiet, pensive album, especially relative to its bombastic older siblings Mylo Xyloto and Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends. Will it be better? Maybe. I doubt I'll be disappointed, though; Coldplay is quite a dependable band.

The Black Keys, Turn Blue

Considering how easily The Black Keys could fit onto a classic rock radio station, it's a bit surprising (at least to me) how popular they are on modern radio stations. Maybe the music scene will always need rock 'n' roll. But I don't mean to digress -- "Fever" is a by-the-numbers Black Keys jam, but its familiarity doesn't change two facts: 1. it's a catchy song, and 2. The Black Keys are releasing another album.

Anberlin's seventh album

I know nothing about Anberlin's seventh album except that it will be their last. It's a little disappointing to see them go -- I only became a fan this year after realizing that Cities is far better than I first thought it was -- but I am sure they will go out with a bang.

While Anberlin hasn't released any songs from their seventh LP (I don't even know if songwriting / recording has finished), I can conjecture that their newly found affinity for electronic accompaniment (which was displayed to full effect in Vital) will carry over to their final release.

Counting Crows' seventh album

Too much time has passed since Counting Crows last released an album of original music (Saturday Nights & Sunday Mornings in 2007), so one could say that they have an obligation to release something new. Am I excited to hear that they have a new album in the works? Yes. They've been around since the nineties, but their musical output never really dipped in quality, so my expectations are high.

Yellowcard's ninth album

When You're Through Thinking, Say Yes was amazing. Summer Air was a little more amazing. Sure, drummer Longineu Parsons' departure isn't good news, but Yellowcard's recruitment of Anberlin's drummer Nate Young is. Even if Yellowcard's musical style shifts, as long as it remains upbeat, violin-tinged pop-punk / pop rock, I'll be happy with it.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Why I Don't Worship Grammar

Some pieces of creative writing make their authors seem like cheaters: breaking the rules of English because sentence fragments look cool or because you think comma splices make your writing fancier. Yes, flouting English grammar is a cheap gimmick -- as I've aged, I have concurrently removed egregious sentence fragments from my writing style -- but bending the rules can help depending on the situation.

So, why would a person who reflexively corrects his siblings' grammar (A.K.A. yours truly) say that the rules of English aren't carved in stone?

I think everyone can agree that formal writing is limited. I don't mean to refute that grammar facilitates clear, convenient communication. What I do mean is that formal written language, while effective in most cases, is too stiff to accurately represent how we think. Okay, maybe English professors think in complete sentences, but most other people don't. In fact, I daresay many of us think in fragments: a subject here, a verb there, an adjective or two when you feel in the mood. This isn't necessarily a bad thing; it's just how our minds work, and as long as we can understand ourselves, there's no problem.

One of creative writing's most foremost purposes -- "one of" because I'm sure the status of foremost is contentious -- is to be evocative. Good creative writing lets the reader mentally picture whatever is happening in the narrative. How does a writer effectively paint a picture in the reader's mind? By appealing to the reader's senses in a way that makes visualization not just easy but intuitive. A writer can accomplish this through formal writing, but the same effect can be generated by bending rules of grammar to better represent how people think.

Of course, learning English grammar is crucial no matter what you do. You need to understand the rules and conventions of English before you can understand why you're breaking them. Know why sentence fragments are considered informal, why commas can't join two independent clauses, etc.; then subvert certain rules in informal writing when it seems necessary or at least beneficial.

But if you misuse semicolons or fail to properly enclose parenthetical phrases, I will find you and force you to change your ways.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Thoughts Regarding the Statement, "You'll Understand When You're Older"

1. I'm sure everyone has heard a variant of this statement before -- an adult (usually a parent) says something, you ask for clarification, and the adult responds, "Oh... you'll understand when you're older," usually with a smile or chuckle that indicates said adult is "in the know".

2. Why isn't a kid ever "in the know"? Has anyone ever heard a child say, "You'd understand if you were younger"? (Note: "You don't understand!" from a teenager's mouth doesn't count, especially if it's toward the teen's parents.)

3. I don't think there has ever been a less effective way of dousing curiosity than suggesting someone cannot or is not allowed to know something. It's a challenge, and kids like challenges.

4. Granted, maybe the point isn't dousing curiosity but arousing it -- in which case, it's torture, cruel and unusual punishment. Now the kid will be haunted for the rest of his childhood, wondering what could be so esoteric, so profound, as to prevent him or her from comprehending it.

5. Does the knowledge supposedly restricted to adulthood even come in the form of an epiphany once you're old or mature enough? I turned eighteen four months ago, and the world's machinations are still a mystery to me, so I presume any great revelations either take their time or just never occur.

6. Speaking of this "adults-only" knowledge, how important is it? Will it open my eyes to a whole new worldview? Will I become a better man for knowing it? Or will I chuckle a bit at how my parents thought I couldn't understand it as a young teenager and continue whatever I was doing? Let me explain thus: If I have to wait for adulthood before realizing the humor of some joke an adult told, the joke had better be a good one.

7. I wonder if, even once, an adult somewhere in the world decided to not say, "You'll understand when you're older," and instead explained the joke to the wondering kid. Maybe the kid actually understood. Maybe the adult realized something in turn.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Blogging Regularly Is Hard

As if blogging regularly could be anything but difficult -- especially for me, O greenhorn blogger that I am.

But I can only shift so much blame to other obligations and circumstance. I have lost count of the number of times I have reiterated to myself, "I will blog more often"; unfortunately, talking about doing something is wholly exclusive from actually doing it. In fact, I would wager that abstract ideas and concrete plans are handled by different parts of the brain.

One part of my problem is that I am unaccustomed to writing habitually: daily, weekly, even fortnightly. It's hard to shake the feeling that forcing myself to write will produce only dross, especially when the feeling is partly justified. But (in refutation) isn't that why I decided to run a blog? Shouldn't I write all the garbage I want in order to clear it from my system? I don't mean to compare this blog to a dump -- well, maybe I do, but not consciously -- the point is, neither I nor anyone else can get better at something by not doing the aforementioned something. Indolence is not practice.

The second part of my problem, of course, is inspiration. How do I determine good topics for my blog entries? The difficulty increases when you consider that I am limiting myself to (a) non-controversial topics, i.e. no politics, that (b) are substantial enough to expound in sizable blog entries. While this is probably the smaller of the two problems, it's the one trickier to solve. Inspiration does not respond to commands; it is independent, capricious, and ephemeral more often than not; to wit, it is unreliable. Yet, in order to become a prolific blogger, I have to figure out how to harness it. Joy.

As a step in the right direction blogging-wise, I plan to effect three changes. First, I will begin posting creative writing, likely flash fiction or poetry. Second, I will end my predilection against shorter blog entries -- not Twitter-length posts (one hundred forty characters), but maybe posts under three hundred words once in a while. Third and perhaps foremost, I will try to be more lighthearted because the world has enough disillusioned sourpusses to fill a continent. Blogging done as a hobby should be fun; I have the rest of my life to be a jaded writer if such is my fate.

If fortunes are on my side, I'll add a fourth change to the above list: No more complaining about my blogging inactivity. Until such a time, may your own writing endeavors be more fruitful than mine.